stage 4 – F'Cancer!

Does cancer have to pop in my head for every little thing?

Sorry that it has been a little while since my last post. But as I have stated before, no post = things are going great and I am living my life. Four weeks ago was my last scan. I did have a bit more scanxiety than normal as my back was twitching, some soreness & pain. Of course these feelings in my back were very a very similar location to the pain I had that originally let me to my diagnosis. Those pains & twitches started about one week before my scheduled contrast CT Scan. Well, it was only a week away, so I kept those fears to myself. Not until the day of the scan, I messaged my oncologist and nurse practitioner about the previous week and how today would be a good day to get my my scan results quicker than normal. And they did just that. I had my scan at 9am and got my results back by noon. All is great in my scans, I was worrying about nothing. So long story a bit longer, all is going great for me in regards to my cancer.

Which kinda leads me to my other thoughts / comments … and yes, I am going to possibly swear a bit more than normal on this than normal. But to state the obvious, having cancer Fucking Sucks!!! Right now I am having pretty bad elbow pain, I have no idea why the pain / no idea where the pain came from. So then you wonder, is it related to my cancer? I doubt it is … but these are the thoughts that run through one’s mind. Then a few weeks ago, I was not able to make it to Logan’s high school baseball game. I was listening to the game on Game Changer while drlving. He was having a great game and as I am driving, I start thinking about how long I might have to live. And then I think about my boys not having their dad around. So then I just start crying while driving … really? All I was doing was listening to my son’s baseball game. Totally sucks thinking about my mortality, I won’t say on a daily basis these days … but still, I am thinking about my mortality more than any one person should. Then, I still get questions from friends, who think because I am doing so well, that my cancer is cured or it is in remission. As much as I would love to tell these friends that they are right, unfortunately they are not. I will ALWAYS having cancer and unfortunately due to it being stage 4 (it went in to my blood stream), I will never be in remission. Now true, they are finding new treatments all of the time and their is that group in Israel that announced a cure for Cancer by the end of the year (one can only hope & dream) … but as it stands today, I will always have Fucking Cancer. I will always have my mortality on my mind. It really does suck having to think about these things (cancer & dying) as much as I do. And there are just too many very good people out there having the same / similar battles with cancer that I am having. I know it is cliché, but it is NOT fair. Totally sucks!

Oh, a tidbit I got at my oncologist appt. 4 weeks ago, apparently the average lifespan for Afatinib working. If you don’t remember, Afatinib is the targeted therapy I am on. One pill a day. It is not chemotherapy. It is not immunotherapy. It is called a targeted therapy. Well, back to the point, average lifespan for Afatinib working, is 10 months … I am up to about 18 months. So let’s keep beating this curve, let’s have Afatinib working for years … once it stops working, I will move on to another targeted therapy … that is how this cancer-thing works. I will go from medication to medication for the rest of my life. I gotta kick this cancer’s ass!

I think I had other thoughts and things to convey in this post … but as I am typing, I kinda forgot what the other things I was going to write about were. So maybe I will just end it with these thougths. Thank you everyone for the love and support. Thank you everyone for the thoughts and prayers. I will continue to kick cancer’s ass for many years to come! You all are such a great support team, thank you for that. And as always, but this time I am gonna change it up just a little bit … FUCK YOU CANCER!!!

Happy dx anniversary!

Yes, I posted just a few days ago, but given that today is November 14, 2018 and it was November 14, 2017 which I was given my official diagnosis, Stage 4 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer (Adenocarcinoma). Today is my official dx anniversary. I am not sure if it feels as if this year has gone by super fast? Or if it feels like it was forever ago I was diagnosed. All I know is I am kicking cancer’s ass and I plan on continuing to do so for a long, long time! What am I doing on this special day you might ask … well, I am at work currently and then tonight I coach Devon’s baseball team (our last practice of the season) … so nothing super special, but I do love coaching baseball, so it will be a fun night. But I want to take this moment to thank you for all of your love and support, means more to me than you will ever know. And as always … F’Cancer!

Uneventful can be a good thing

So here we are, Monday, September 10 marks ten months since that dreadful day I first heard the word, “cancer” in regards to my health. I remember hearing that “I think we found cancer” statement like it was yesterday. Crazy that it has been 10 months … so very crazy! Every 4 weeks for the last 10 months, I visit the oncologist’s office at the UCSD Cancer Center. Every 8 weeks, I get a Contrast CT Scan. This past Monday (Sep. 10), I got yet another Contrast CT Scan to check on the status of my cancer. This time around, I did great with Scanxiety (anxiety that comes leading up to / around scan time). Actually, no scanxiety leading up to this scan. But later that same scan day, it hit me I had not heard from my Nurse Practitioner (NP) … and so many times before, they text me the same day to give me the good news on my scan. So of course, at about 7pm that day, I realized I had not heard anything … thus my mind starts racing. Trying to keep my mind from racing can be a challenge! I definitely don’t like the dark places my mind goes. Happy to report, Tuesday morning I heard from my NP and all is stable, which is good. Sure, I would love to hear that there was shrinkage, but my oncologist and my NP told me long ago, that getting news that my cancer is “stable” is good news in their eyes. I totally understand that, but that does not change the fact that I have very high aspirations of achieving NED (No Evidence of Disease). Then later on Tuesday, I saw my thyroid doctor, yep, I am hypo-thyroid too. My doctor is great. I got to share with him my latest and greatest since I only see him once a year, I had to inform him of my new normal in regards to my cancer. He was funny, acknowledging that compared to lung cancer, I am probably not so much concerned about my thyroid. I told him that unfortunately, yep, he is right. He asked about who my oncologist was, I told him Dr. Bazhenova. He was very familiar with her. Then he asked what I found to be a very interesting question, he asked how often I actually get to see her. He acknowledged how in demand she is / how big of a name in lung cancer she is. It felt good to hear this about my oncologist … especially since I told him I probably see her every 4 out of 5 appointments. I went on to say how great both she and her team are. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am so over the top stoked on how great of a team I have! So that brings us to today … yep, same routine: drive to UCSD Cancer Center, get blood draw, Xgeva injection, visit with Dr. Bazhenova, visit with my Clinical Trial person, pick up my Afatinib prescription for the next 4 weeks, fall behind on work as I am at the Cancer Center for about 2 to 2.5 hours … yep, pretty darn routine, pretty uneventful. But given the cancer is under control and it is not growing – I will take “uneventful” any day! So all good for the next 8 weeks! Yep, living 8 weeks at a time, my new normal. Thank you all who are subscribed to my blog. Have a great rest of the week and of course, as always … F’Cancer!

Stand up to cancer

So, not the most action-packed update … but some good things worth mentioning:

Stand Up To Cancer is on TV tonight, I believe all of the major networks will be televising it. It is a good thing that this kind of awareness / fund raising is being done for cancer, so if you find yourself home chillin’ tonight, turn on the TV and check it out
On Tuesday of last week, I met with my Nurse Practitioner, and we discussed in great detail my side effects. We changed the way I take some of my meds. Changed the schedule / dosage of the pills to help me with the going to the bathroom. As luck would have it, I am now going to the bathroom 1 – 2 times a day and not 3 – 7 times a day like it was … Having improved this side effect has helped me greatly on how I feel on a daily basis / it has had a great impact on my energy levels.
As far as diet, tomorrow marks my 1 month on the Keto diet. I am doing Keto for 3 reasons: #1 some believe it helps in the fight against cancer. #2 I have a fatty liver and I have read that the Keto diet will help with that. And #3, I need to lose some lbs. Well, after almost a month, I am 10 lbs. lighter (I want / need to lose a whole bunch more) … and let’s hope the fatty liver and the cancer situation are both improving as well thanks to the Keto diet.
My energy levels are much, much better … I attribute that to a combo of going to the bathroom a whole lot less and the Keto diet both … but it sure does feel good to be feeling better and having more energy! I am very, very grateful for that!

I think that is basically it for now. My next contrast CT scan is this Monday, September 10. Gonna try to keep the scanxiety to a minimum leading up to that. Hoping for more shrinkage in that last, remaining lesion in my left lung … fingers crossed!

That is it for now – have a great weekend! A new update to come next week. And of course, F’Cancer!

Who doesn’t like talking about poop?

I tend to be a rather open person … when hanging out with friends, we talk about what is going on in our lives. For me lately, it tends to be a lot of conversations about pooping. I don’t think I am one to complain. But I am one to share and be open (I hope I don’t come across as a complainer). And given that side effect #1 of this cancer fighting drug is diarrhea … although it is not quite diarrhea, but it is diarrhea-esque … and for simplicity’s sake, I often just refer to it as “diarrhea”. So on to why I am doing this post … Yesterday was one of those more difficult days … after 3x going to the bathroom in the morning, I was in a good amount of pain for a large part of the day. I gave my nurse the heads-up and they wanted to see me today to assess things and try to make this situation better. So after about an hour of talking about my pooping, we do have a plan. A 3-tier plan actually. We will try tier 1, see if that works. If not, we go to tier 2 and so on. While we will not make things 100%, this is a side effect of the drug after all, we can make my mornings / days much better according to my nurse practitioner. It was a good appointment and I always enjoy spending time with her. So here we go, attempting to make my trips to the bathroom less frequent and hopefully with that, less pain.

One of the highlights for me in this morning’s appointment, she did state that my cancer is a slow-growing cancer. That was GREAT to hear!

Other things / updates in my life:

1. I have started the Keto Diet. I have been doing this for about 3 weeks. My Oncologist / NP are fine with this, they don’t have any opinions for or against my doing this diet. I am doing this for 3 reasons … #1, help fighting the cancer, #2, I have a bit of a fatty liver and this should help with that. And #3, to lose some lbs. Thus far a feel better, have more energy and my clothes are starting to fit a bit differently … so far, so good.

2. Boys started back to school last week … so summer is officially over. It was a great summer & many great memories were made.

3. Cancer sucks … yes, an understatement. But it is crazy … I have several friends each battling cancer … each one a different form of cancer. What the Fuck? One never knows exactly what to say to a friend who has cancer, but I hope I can provide some support, some comfort … I hope I can help inspire these friends to fight a strong and good fight! I so want them (and me) to kick cancer’s ass! It is funny, I am fighting cancer, but I still don’t think it has hit me 100% that I truly do in fact “have cancer” … and I always seem to be so sad when I learn of a friend who has cancer (or any health problem) … but I don’t always make the connection that I too, have cancer. I am not sure I am doing the best part of conveying my feelings on this … all I know, there is TOO MUCH fucking cancer going on!

4. Now some sad news: I had a friend I met through one of my online support groups. We had a good bit in common. Both Stage 4 Lunch Cancer patients, both had 2 kids, both are young as far as lung cancer goes (she was 12 years younger than me), both are here in San Diego county and both go to UCSD for our treatment. She was not EGFR and she had to do chemo and other treatments that I have not done … so while we had a bunch in common, we also had our differences as far as lung cancer goes. We would FB messenger each other a decent bit, but then we did not communicate the last few months. I reached out to her, no response, I then learned that she lost her battle to cancer on August 8. As I type this, the hairs on my arm stand up and I am starting to tear up. She was such a sweetheart and she had such a positive outlook. So very sad she is gone. So sad for her husband and her 2 kids. Not much else to say other than: FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!

I am not sure how to follow #4 with what is going on in my life … other than I will continue to fight. I will continue to work to get this last lesion in my left lung to shrink to nothing. My goal is NED (No Evidence of Disease), Thank you to all of the support from family & friends! I am a strong and stubborn SOB … I will beat this. I am not fucking going anywhere!

F’Cancer!