Sorry that it has been a little while since my last post. But as I have stated before, no post = things are going great and I am living my life. Four weeks ago was my last scan. I did have a bit more scanxiety than normal as my back was twitching, some soreness & pain. Of course these feelings in my back were very a very similar location to the pain I had that originally let me to my diagnosis. Those pains & twitches started about one week before my scheduled contrast CT Scan. Well, it was only a week away, so I kept those fears to myself. Not until the day of the scan, I messaged my oncologist and nurse practitioner about the previous week and how today would be a good day to get my my scan results quicker than normal. And they did just that. I had my scan at 9am and got my results back by noon. All is great in my scans, I was worrying about nothing. So long story a bit longer, all is going great for me in regards to my cancer.
Which kinda leads me to my other thoughts / comments … and yes, I am going to possibly swear a bit more than normal on this than normal. But to state the obvious, having cancer Fucking Sucks!!! Right now I am having pretty bad elbow pain, I have no idea why the pain / no idea where the pain came from. So then you wonder, is it related to my cancer? I doubt it is … but these are the thoughts that run through one’s mind. Then a few weeks ago, I was not able to make it to Logan’s high school baseball game. I was listening to the game on Game Changer while drlving. He was having a great game and as I am driving, I start thinking about how long I might have to live. And then I think about my boys not having their dad around. So then I just start crying while driving … really? All I was doing was listening to my son’s baseball game. Totally sucks thinking about my mortality, I won’t say on a daily basis these days … but still, I am thinking about my mortality more than any one person should. Then, I still get questions from friends, who think because I am doing so well, that my cancer is cured or it is in remission. As much as I would love to tell these friends that they are right, unfortunately they are not. I will ALWAYS having cancer and unfortunately due to it being stage 4 (it went in to my blood stream), I will never be in remission. Now true, they are finding new treatments all of the time and their is that group in Israel that announced a cure for Cancer by the end of the year (one can only hope & dream) … but as it stands today, I will always have Fucking Cancer. I will always have my mortality on my mind. It really does suck having to think about these things (cancer & dying) as much as I do. And there are just too many very good people out there having the same / similar battles with cancer that I am having. I know it is cliché, but it is NOT fair. Totally sucks!
Oh, a tidbit I got at my oncologist appt. 4 weeks ago, apparently the average lifespan for Afatinib working. If you don’t remember, Afatinib is the targeted therapy I am on. One pill a day. It is not chemotherapy. It is not immunotherapy. It is called a targeted therapy. Well, back to the point, average lifespan for Afatinib working, is 10 months … I am up to about 18 months. So let’s keep beating this curve, let’s have Afatinib working for years … once it stops working, I will move on to another targeted therapy … that is how this cancer-thing works. I will go from medication to medication for the rest of my life. I gotta kick this cancer’s ass!
I think I had other thoughts and things to convey in this post … but as I am typing, I kinda forgot what the other things I was going to write about were. So maybe I will just end it with these thougths. Thank you everyone for the love and support. Thank you everyone for the thoughts and prayers. I will continue to kick cancer’s ass for many years to come! You all are such a great support team, thank you for that. And as always, but this time I am gonna change it up just a little bit … FUCK YOU CANCER!!!