Tag: cancer

Does cancer have to pop in my head for every little thing?

Sorry that it has been a little while since my last post. But as I have stated before, no post = things are going great and I am living my life. Four weeks ago was my last scan. I did have a bit more scanxiety than normal as my back was twitching, some soreness & pain. Of course these feelings in my back were very a very similar location to the pain I had that originally let me to my diagnosis. Those pains & twitches started about one week before my scheduled contrast CT Scan. Well, it was only a week away, so I kept those fears to myself. Not until the day of the scan, I messaged my oncologist and nurse practitioner about the previous week and how today would be a good day to get my my scan results quicker than normal. And they did just that. I had my scan at 9am and got my results back by noon. All is great in my scans, I was worrying about nothing. So long story a bit longer, all is going great for me in regards to my cancer.

Which kinda leads me to my other thoughts / comments … and yes, I am going to possibly swear a bit more than normal on this than normal. But to state the obvious, having cancer Fucking Sucks!!! Right now I am having pretty bad elbow pain, I have no idea why the pain / no idea where the pain came from. So then you wonder, is it related to my cancer? I doubt it is … but these are the thoughts that run through one’s mind. Then a few weeks ago, I was not able to make it to Logan’s high school baseball game. I was listening to the game on Game Changer while drlving. He was having a great game and as I am driving, I start thinking about how long I might have to live. And then I think about my boys not having their dad around. So then I just start crying while driving … really? All I was doing was listening to my son’s baseball game. Totally sucks thinking about my mortality, I won’t say on a daily basis these days … but still, I am thinking about my mortality more than any one person should. Then, I still get questions from friends, who think because I am doing so well, that my cancer is cured or it is in remission. As much as I would love to tell these friends that they are right, unfortunately they are not. I will ALWAYS having cancer and unfortunately due to it being stage 4 (it went in to my blood stream), I will never be in remission. Now true, they are finding new treatments all of the time and their is that group in Israel that announced a cure for Cancer by the end of the year (one can only hope & dream) … but as it stands today, I will always have Fucking Cancer. I will always have my mortality on my mind. It really does suck having to think about these things (cancer & dying) as much as I do. And there are just too many very good people out there having the same / similar battles with cancer that I am having. I know it is cliché, but it is NOT fair. Totally sucks!

Oh, a tidbit I got at my oncologist appt. 4 weeks ago, apparently the average lifespan for Afatinib working. If you don’t remember, Afatinib is the targeted therapy I am on. One pill a day. It is not chemotherapy. It is not immunotherapy. It is called a targeted therapy. Well, back to the point, average lifespan for Afatinib working, is 10 months … I am up to about 18 months. So let’s keep beating this curve, let’s have Afatinib working for years … once it stops working, I will move on to another targeted therapy … that is how this cancer-thing works. I will go from medication to medication for the rest of my life. I gotta kick this cancer’s ass!

I think I had other thoughts and things to convey in this post … but as I am typing, I kinda forgot what the other things I was going to write about were. So maybe I will just end it with these thougths. Thank you everyone for the love and support. Thank you everyone for the thoughts and prayers. I will continue to kick cancer’s ass for many years to come! You all are such a great support team, thank you for that. And as always, but this time I am gonna change it up just a little bit … FUCK YOU CANCER!!!

Happy dx anniversary!

Yes, I posted just a few days ago, but given that today is November 14, 2018 and it was November 14, 2017 which I was given my official diagnosis, Stage 4 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer (Adenocarcinoma). Today is my official dx anniversary. I am not sure if it feels as if this year has gone by super fast? Or if it feels like it was forever ago I was diagnosed. All I know is I am kicking cancer’s ass and I plan on continuing to do so for a long, long time! What am I doing on this special day you might ask … well, I am at work currently and then tonight I coach Devon’s baseball team (our last practice of the season) … so nothing super special, but I do love coaching baseball, so it will be a fun night. But I want to take this moment to thank you for all of your love and support, means more to me than you will ever know. And as always … F’Cancer!

Fuck you cancer!

I don’t even know where to begin … I am crying for the first time in many months. Back when I was first diagnosed, I cried every day. Now mind you, I am not one to cry. But today I just learned that one of my favorite employees at L+L has lost is battle to cancer. He was such a great person. Such a great energy around the office. He is in his early 30s. Way too young to have to have dealt with this bull shit! Pancreatic cancer is what he was battling. It was an up hill battle for him from the beginning, but he seemed to be in great spirits and he was optimistic that he would be returning to work at L+L. He will be so missed, not just by me, but by all that worked with him. He was truly a special person. I am tearing up again just writing this. I will miss you my friend. And to cancer, FUCK YOU!

Stand up to cancer

So, not the most action-packed update … but some good things worth mentioning:

  1. Stand Up To Cancer is on TV tonight, I believe all of the major networks will be televising it. It is a good thing that this kind of awareness / fund raising is being done for cancer, so if you find yourself home chillin’ tonight, turn on the TV and check it out
  2.  On Tuesday of last week, I met with my Nurse Practitioner, and we discussed in great detail my side effects. We changed the way I take some of my meds. Changed the schedule / dosage of the pills to help me with the going to the bathroom. As luck would have it, I am now going to the bathroom 1 – 2 times a day and not 3 – 7 times a day like it was … Having improved this side effect has helped me greatly on how I feel on a daily basis / it has had a great impact on my energy levels.
  3. As far as diet, tomorrow marks my 1 month on the Keto diet. I am doing Keto for 3 reasons: #1 some believe it helps in the fight against cancer. #2 I have a fatty liver and I have read that the Keto diet will help with that. And #3, I need to lose some lbs. Well, after almost a month, I am 10 lbs. lighter (I want / need to lose a whole bunch more) … and let’s hope the fatty liver and the cancer situation are both improving as well thanks to the Keto diet.
  4. My energy levels are much, much better … I attribute that to a combo of going to the bathroom a whole lot less and the Keto diet both … but it sure does feel good to be feeling better and having more energy! I am very, very grateful for that!

I think that is basically it for now. My next contrast CT scan is this Monday, September 10. Gonna try to keep the scanxiety to a minimum leading up to that. Hoping for more shrinkage in that last, remaining lesion in my left lung … fingers crossed!

That is it for now – have a great weekend! A new update to come next week. And of course, F’Cancer!

 

Yes son, one day soon!

So last night, we had family dinner. As we were getting ready to sit down, I said to the the boys with some excitement “Guess What?”
Logan instantly responds with “You are cancer free?” Logan’s response totally caught me off guard and his response is SO MUCH BETTER than anything I could have possibly said … so to that, all I can say is, “Yes son, one day soon, that will be the answer to my Guess What?”

Can’t we just say NED and call it the day?

Today was a FANTASTIC day! I met with a physician’s assistant at UCSD. Dr. Bazhenova is speaking in Canada about lung cancer and Jennifer (my NP) is on vacation out of the country. The nice thing about UCSD, everyone I have met there has been so great! And today was no exception. Today was another day of great news! While there have been two lesions in my left lung … yesterday’s Contrast CT Scan now only shows one lesion. Yep, that is right, the other lesion shrunk down to nothing! Now here is where I wish things could be nice and black n’ white. The remaining lesion has not done anything in the last 16 weeks as far as changing size. It could be that this lesion is not cancerous. It could be scar tissue, it could be something else, there is the chance that this 1.3 cm lesion is NOT cancer. So of course, I want to find out if it is or not. I want to know if I am truly NED (NED = No Evidence of Disease). I want there to be celebrations, bells ringing, fireworks, high fives, everything that would come with the celebration of “NO CANCER!”. But here is where I will just have to live with the not knowing 100%. Options in finding out if this lesion is cancerous … They could biopsy it, but why stick a needle in my lung if not absolutely necessary. They could remove it … but again, why have lung surgery if not absolutely necessary. We could zap it with radiation, but what if somewhere down the road, I might need radiation in the same spot / same area, they would not be able to do radiation in an area that already had radiation. So in the end, none of these possible scenarios to find out if the final lesion left is actually cancer are a good idea. But FANTASTIC news … no cancer in my back, down to one one lesion in my left lung … and quite the possibility that this final lesion may not even be cancer! Now that makes today a very, very good day! Am I NED … quite possibly so!

Now, just to share my “needle issues” from yesterday & today: Regarding yesterday’s Contrast CT Scan, I just have to share the not so fun part of yesterday & today. I think I jinxed myself. As they were taking me back yesterday, the nurse asked me if I have had a Contrast CT Scan before … I made light of it, mentioned how I get these every 8 weeks and they are a piece of cake. Well, I spoke too soon. After a couple of scans without the contrast fluid, they then announced the Contrast fluid was about to be injected into my blood stream. They had set up an IV for this. Well, as the fluid was to be entering my blood stream, I felt a pain in my elbow. I had not experienced this kind of pain before during the injection. It turns out, my vein was not taking the fluid. So they had to remove the IV and try it again, this time in my other arm. That did not take either. Apparently I was a bit dehydrated. They brought in a new nurse, for her to try … nope, she poked my left arm, failed. She then poked my right arm, failed. So then they brought in nurse #3. This was getting frustrating, but at least nurse #3 was quite cute, so I had that going for me. But I was not happy about my getting poked by a needle a 5th time. She did a few things to prep my arm and in the end, apparently 5 times is a charm. The 5th one took. But then fast forward to today’s blood draw. After my arms were just a little bruised, the NP today, when she went to inject me for the blood draw, she did not succeed, so she had to get a 2nd nurse. I was thinking to myself, “what the hell is going on here?!?” Luckily the 2nd nurse succeeded on her first try. I am not afraid of needles, but I definitely don’t love them either … hopefully yesterday’s and today’s issues with the needles is a one time occurrence and this does not become a regular thing.

But back to the GREAT news … one lesion in my left lung … and possibly not even cancerous. Am I NED? I sure as heck would like to say I am … And with that I will end this post. Today was a FANTASTIC day! And as always, F’Cancer!

Contrast CT Scan time!

Blood draw and Xgeva Injection time!