Still in the What The F’ phase

Nov. 19, 2017 (Sunday)

Update:

OK, here we are, only the 5th day of officially knowing I have cancer. Still in the WHAT THE FUCK phase, I am sure this phase will last a long time. Today will be 5th session of radiation (out of 10 sessions). I met with the Oncologist on Friday. Heard of lot of facts and info, it was a “heavy” meeting, thus probably why no update yesterday. I am now taking pain pills (for my back) every 8.5 hours instead of every 4.5 hours (for the pain in my back). So this is good. Anyone who has taken pain pills, knows they don’t help the whole pooping scenario, but I know you are all on the edge of your seats … yes, I am taking a stool softener and yes I am pooping!

The Oncology Appt. on Friday, it was a lot of info / a lot of facts. It was also 3:30pm on a Friday,. I am currently trying to decide if this is the dr. I want to be my quarterback or not. It was not an easy meeting. I am not sure when it will ever get easy for me to hear that I have cancer. But to do our due diligence, we have been looking into what dr. to get a 2nd opinion from – after all, something this major, we should get a 2nd opinion. There is a doctor from UCSD that has been suggested 2x as far as recommendations, so I will reach out to her.

So Step 1 – we are doing the Radiation for that one tumor on my spine, the bastard that caused me all of that pain last week and resulted in the drs. knowing I have cancer.

Step 2 – get a PET Scan … this just gives us some add’l info on my cells that apparently 3 CT scans and a MRI has not yet given us. I know there is more to why I am getting the PET scan, just can’t find it in my notes at the moment.

Step 3 – I will go on a medication that will strengthen / harden my bones so that the cancer in my spine does not have the ability to move / spread as easily (I am sure the dr. said it way more educated-like … but this is the basics on this). And yes, feel free to add in a joke about my bone needing hardening.  : )

Then Step 4 – waiting for add’l info in the biopsy that they did in the hospital … waiting to see if my DNA markers match one of the 3 medications that can be used for my treatment. Either I am a match for one of these 3 or I am not. It will be that simple. If I am not a match, then we go to a chemo / immunotherapy route. Regardless of the route, we will kick Cancers’ ass … but the pills would be nice. While I do need to lose some lbs., I prefer to not lose some hair along with it … but hey, gonna do what I gotta do.

Like I said, the last couple of days have been tough … but thank you all for the continued support! Thank you to my beautiful wife! She continues to be my rock as well as my chauffeur and my personal nurse. Thank you so my parents too, thank you for all you are doing to help me through this. And thank you to all of my family and friends.

On a non-cancer note … last night I went to Logan’s Thunder baseball game. While I am not supposed to be throwing a ball, swinging a bat, those kinds of things right now, it was great to be out there with the guys. Hanging with the other coaches, the players, my friends and famiily. Logan went 3 for 4, double and 2 singles. Had 3 RBIs and scored 2 runs. We won 5-4. It was a great game and a great distraction.
And on Friday night, Devon had 2 Friday Night Lights Football games (playoffs and all). Devon’s team won the first game (Devon had an interception) but then the Tigers came up short in the 2nd game – been a great season!
Today, Devon has his last Fall Baseball game of the season today at 3pm, looking forward to that.

That is all for this update — thank you everyone — love you all — and of course, F’ Cancer!

Answers are not always as black n’ white as one would like

Nov. 17, 2017 (Friday)

Update:
Day 4 of officially knowing I have Lung Cancer. Today is Day 4 of radiation treatment for the larger growth on my spine. There will be 10 total treatments (last day of this treatment will be the Tuesday after Thanksgiving).

Yesterday was my appt. with the Pulmonary (Lungs) Doctor. Both Mo and my parents joined me at this appt. I really liked this doctor. I had some new chest x-rays done. We talked about my case and where we are on things. He answered many of our questions. Of course, in this world of cancer, the answers are not always as black n’ white as one would like. And if you have done like I have, the internet is zero help unless your goal is to have the crap scared out of you. I highly advise staying away from the internet for cancer info. What I have is Adenocarcinoma, which is a type of non small cell lung cancer (it is the slower growing of the 2 types). As you all know, the larger cancer growth on my spine, we are treating that with radiation. Then there is the small growth in my left lung and about 6 more small growths on my spine. There will be one treatment / one combo of treatments for attacking these, both lung and spine will get treated / attacked as one (this is what I hope to learn about later today at the Oncologist Dr. Appt). I also know a PET scan is to be done soon. Cause after all, 3 CT Scans and an MRI is not enough. : )
Dr. Bessudo (oncologist) is who this afternoon’s appt is with. As it was put yesterday, he will be my quarterback for my team. Both Mo and my parents will be joining me for this appt.
Some have asked what stage is my cancer in? What are my chances of beating this? You know, the fun questions. I learned that “Stage” of the Cancer is an antiquated term based on how cancer was fought in the 70s and 80s. As you can imagine, there has been so much advancement in fighting cancer in the last 30-40 years, so “stage” is not as applicable as it once was decades ago. As far as beating this? I am a young and strong man. I am 47 years old and other than this back pain that came on one week ago, I have not had any symptoms. I have my full strength. Everything I have been through to date has not been difficult. I know difficult times are to come. But my point is this, I am young, strong and I know I will beat this. Every person has a personal blueprint. And every blueprint will react differently to every drug / treatment. Be great if the first treatment we try is the successful one, but no way of knowing that until we get going. Each treatment will be a matter of months before we know if it is working. This is where my patience is going to get tried. It is over these months we will learn how my body reacts to these treatment(s).
Again, today’s appt. is a big one. I hope to learn a lot in this afternoon’s appt.

My day ended yesterday back on the baseball field. Devon had a baseball game and while I am not supposed to be coaching right now, it was great to get out there, see friends and watch my son play a great game of baseball!

I wanna give a HUGE shout-out to my beautiful wife who is now my chauffeur and personal nurse. She has been a rock star! And thank you everyone for all of your support. The dinner circle thing has been perfect. Zoie getting walked 2x a day by a dog walker has been awesome! Thank you everyone! And thank you to my parents for being so active in helping me with this fight! We are very blessed to have such a great support team.

Thank you everyone!
Much love for you all!
And of course, F’ Cancer!

Finding my quarterback

Fucking cancer!!! You wanna talk about one’s life being turned upside down?!? After 5 days in the hospital. In the process of getting 10 radiation treatments. Time came to meet with a pulmonary specialist and also to find an oncologist. In my time at Scripps Hospital Encinitas, I met with several doctors and higher ups. The Chief of Staff of the hospital visited me on more than on occasion. I also met an oncologist at the hospital who I was very impressed with (we talked on 2 occasions while I was in the hospital). Life after getting out of the hospital was a bit crazy to say the least. Many Dr. appointments, working, trying to keep things as normal as I can for my boys. After getting out of the hospital on Nov. 14, I met with Dr. Makani of Coastal Pulmonary Associates on November 16. I was very impressed with him and we had a great meeting. He talked to me about finding an oncologist being my next step. I learn that my oncologist would basically be the quarterback of my team. I told him I was to meet with Dr. Bessudo, whom I met in the hospital. But I also asked Dr. Makani for referral to other oncologists. I wanted to meet with at least 2 oncologists. Given I don’t think I have even used the word oncologist before my diagnosis, this was quite the daunting task! I need my quarterback to be THE BEST! And I have never shopped for an oncologist before. The next day (Nov. 17), I meet with Dr. Bessudo (oncologist) at his office in Encinitas. While I was very impressed with him in my 2 meetings with him in the hospital, he seemed a bit scatter brained in our meeting — and on top of that, I was not overly impressed with his office and his staff. From my meeting with Bessudo, I decide that I for sure want to meet with a 2nd oncologist. In my looking for referrals and my parents looking for referrals, one name kept coming up: Dr. Bazhenova at UCSD. I ping Dr. Makani asking if he can get me an appt. with Dr. Bazhenova. I send this message on a Sunday and by that Monday afternoon, I get a call asking if I can come in that very same day. I unfortunately could not due to my radiation appointment that afternoon. They were able to get me in 2 days later – on Wed, Nov. 22 (the day before Thanksgiving). We have a 1 hour appt. at 3:30pm on the Wed before Thanksgiving – Mo and my parents join me – and I will tell you what! When it is right, it is right. We all fell in love with both Dr. Bazhenova and her nurse practitioner, Jennifer Dvorak. The 2 of them have been working together for 7 years. They only deal with Lung Cancer … where as some oncologists deal with different cancers, Bazhenova only does lung cancer. And not only that, she also writes about lung cancer. She really knows her stuff. The meeting went so great. I told them I was going to take the weekend to make a decision, but the reality, decision was made – we found my quarterback!

How this shit went down

As I have been asked many times, how did I find out I had cancer … Back on a Wednesday night, Nov. 8, 2017, I was coaching Logan’s 14U Thunder baseball team. I was actually feeling pretty darn good that night. I was throwing the ball a little harder, I was running around a bit more. I remember making a near shoe string catch in the outfield. I later joked that I would feel that tomorrow. Well, tomorrow came, it was Devon’s birthday. We had a great morning. Devon opened up some birthday gifts before school. I worked from home a bit. I then had to be to work by 11am for a going away lunch party for our HR person. It was during that lunch, my back started to hurt. I figured it was due to that catch the night before. The pain increased during the lunch. After the lunch, I went to my office to get some work done and I started to sweat from the pain. I decided to go home and lay down on my bed. I was thinking it was sore back from the catch, but the pain was worse than that. I changed in to shorts and laid down on the bed. Knowing the pain was pretty darn bad, I called my doctor to see if they could get me in. Fat chance of that, but at least I tried. So then I asked them where was the closest urgent care. They told me Vista and that it opened at 2pm. It being 1:35pm, I thought to myself, I could leave now and I would arrive just after they opened. But I decided to lay in bed a bit more. But as I did, I moved into a position that resulted in what I refer to as a lightning bolt of pain, it shot down my left leg and into my left foot. Now I am a bit freaked out. It hurt so bad … I laid there for a minute and then struggled to get on a t-shirt, find my flip flops and it was time to go to Urgent Care. Mo drove me. By the time we got there, the pain was unbelievable. I could not stand, I could not sit, I could not do anything to alleviate the pain. They got me in pretty quick, got me on some pain meds and ran some tests … urine, blood and CT Scan. They found nothing. They then started talking about my going home. I was not comfortable with this as they did not find out what the issue was and even though I was on pain meds (IV), I was still feeling the pain. They stated that they thought it might be a kidney stone that had passed OR it could be shingles without the rash yet OR something muscular. They gave me a prescription for pain meds and sent me home. Got home, took some advil, took a pain med and laid down for some rest. Mo took the boys to the movies for Devon’s birthday, I was totally find with this as Devon was excited for his birthday and all I was gonna do was lay down. I even thought about going to the movies, but decided to just lay down on the couch and get some sleep. I woke up a bit later, made some dinner and then got more sleep. But then at about 11pm, I woke in severe pain. It was not time yet to take another pain pill, but the pain was BAD … so I went ahead and took the pill. Things did not improve. By 1:30am, I went upstairs to tell Mo it was time to go to the ER. Boys did not have school the next day, so Mo told Logan we were going to the hospital and we left a note on the floor in Devon’s room so when he woke, it would tell him where we were. Got to the emergency room at Scripps Encinitas just after 2am. Pain was worse than ever. I had to wait in the waiting room for 45 minutes … I was in CRAZY PAIN. Again, could not sit, could not stand, could not lean, could not do anything to help alleviate the pain. Then we finally got called back. Again, urine & blood tests. But instead of a CT Scan, this time they did a Contrast CT Scan. The pain was insane, I remember at one point, while Mo was holding my hand, I just started to cry. The pain was so intense, I just wimpered “I need the pain to stop.” Eventually, they doped me up pretty good, so the pain became no longer an issue. Then a moment in time I will never forget. It was somewhere between 4 and 5am, the ER doctor came in and said something to the effect, “There is no easy way to tell you this, but I believe I found cancer.” WOW!!! Cancer?!?!?! Never did cancer ever enter the picture of what I thought was wrong.  They informed me we were gong to go get an MRI right away and that I already had a hospital room waiting for me. I later learned from the MRI, I had 2 small lesions in my left lung and about 6-8 small lesions in my spine. Actually, one of the lesions was larger than the rest. It was this lesion that started to infringe on my spinal cord, thus causing the pain that sent me to the ER.

I ended up in the hospital for 5 days. After the MRI, they had hoped to get me a biopsy on that same day (Friday), but we were not able to get it done. So then they tried to get it done on Saturday, but again, did not happen. So Monday morning they got me in for the biopsy. They were confident that it was lung cancer, but the biopsy would confirm. And it was a lesion in my spine that they biopsied. They were right, it is lung cancer. Now their #1 concern was that lesion that was causing the pain. They kept me in the hospital for the rest of the day on Monday, mainly for pain management. I was on Dilaudid through IV. I won’t lie, this drug is VERY AWESOME! Tuesday came, I was discharged at about 3:00pm and by 4:00pm I was seeing a radiologist in Vista for that one larger lesion. As the radiologist told me, if this lesion were to touch my spinal cord, we would be looking at paralysis. Thus the urgency / importance of going to a radiologist immediately after leaving the hospital. 10 sessions of radiation over the next 2 weeks. Next step, finding an Oncologist.

Recapping dates …

Nov. 10 – I learned I have cancer (or that dr. believes he found cancer).

Nov. 13 – I get biopsy to confirm that I have lung cancer

Nov. 14 – I “officially” learn / confirm that I have Stage 4 Lung Cancer.

Nov. 14 – I leave hospital and get my first of 10 radiation treatments.

Photos – my getting a biopsy and the scan showing the lesion that is coming way too close to my spinal cord.

Biopsy

OK, Let’s Do This!

Welcome to my blog. I would love to say that I had a much better reason for my starting my first ever blog, but unfortunately it is my being diagnosed with Cancer that has led me here. Yep! Fucking Cancer! Leading up to my diagnosis, pretty darn normal life. We live in a great neighborhood. I am very involved in Adventure Guides with my boys. I coach on both of their baseball teams. I have a great circle of family & friends. I work probably more than I should. Then out of no where, on November 10, 2017, I am told that I have cancer. Then on November 14, 2017, it is confirmed that I have Stage 4 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer (Adenocarcinoma). I wish I would have started this blog sooner, but here we are. I figure this is a great way to share with family & friends the latest and greatest on what is going on in my life with cancer … or as I now refer to it, my new normal.